Being a leader at a small organization can feel confusing. Sometimes you’re hanging out having after work beers. Sometimes you’re making giant decisions that you can’t tell anyone about.

It feels like the right thing to be really nice to the people who work with and for us, right? We want them to like working here. We want them to like us. So being nice is the way to do that.

As a founder, boss, leader, or CEO I urge you to be KIND instead of being NICE.

An example of this is someone asks you for a promotion, and while this person is doing great work, you know there won’t be any new roles created for a while based on growth plans and business strategy. The NICE thing to do would be to say “For sure! We love you! As soon as something comes up it’s all yours!” This is only good feelings and no bad news. Until the third time you tell them that and you still don’t have a new role for them. Their feelings have been hurt and they feel like they’ve been lied to. You INTENDED to give them a promotion, it just never happened. You thought you were being nice.

The KIND thing to do would be to tell them the truth and support them in their goals. I would suggest saying “We are absolutely loving the work we get from you and having you on the team. Your growth goals are admirable - can you tell me what kind of a timeline you have in mind?” If they tell you they’re looking for something sooner than you know you can give it to them you could say “Unfortunately, I don’t think our company is going to be adding any new roles anytime soon. What I can do is give you as much exposure, experience and learning as I have to offer here and hopefully that will support you in your next role. What kinds of projects would you like to work on?”

That person could be disappointed. They could go look for a different job. They could think that you don’t love them because you didn’t give them what they asked for. What you were was kind, open and supportive. And in the long run, they will be so happy that they had a boss who cared enough to give it to them straight. And they were able to make the best decisions for them with all the information available.